30 years of marriage. 30 years of its ups and downs. 30 years of trying to make it a personal thing between me and my husband. Thankfully, he did not allow me to do that and kept telling me that it was between me and God. 30 years of acting on my feelings and not on what the Bible says. 30 years of refusing to obey God’s simple command to a wife, and that is, to be obedient to your husband in all things. 30 years of disobedience, rebelliousness, stubbornness, lying, and dishonesty all rooted in pride. 30 years of simply not choosing to mature as a Christian.
God has been dealing with me for 30 years now about changing my attitude and behavior as a wife which has manifested itself in disobedience, rebelliousness, stubbornness, lying, dishonesty, having an ungodly attitude and spirit, and simply not being the wife, mother or example of a Christian woman that I should have been down through the years. (By the way, for those of you who may be thinking that my disobedience, rebelliousness, stubbornness, lying, and dishonesty has resulted in adultery, I will say here that I have never committed any adultery or had sex with another man besides my husband, Daniel Whyte III, since I have been born.)
God kept telling me I needed to stop my rebellious and stubborn behavior, apologize to my husband and children, and get my heart right with him, my husband, and my children. He sent others my way to tell me how to behave: First, my husband, but I didn’t want to hear it from him; second, other Christian women speakers; third, other preachers; and fourth, books and other materials, but I would not take heed. I knew what to do, but I chose not to do it. The devil had me thinking and believing, as he is having a lot of wives and mothers thinking and believing, that your relationship with your husband and how you respond to your husband, be it positive or negative, will not affect your relationship with your children and your relationship with God. I say without hesitation that this is one of the devil’s lies, and sad to say, many wives and mothers are falling for this lie.
Another lie of the devil that Christian wives are falling for is that you can still have a strong relationship with God without being submissive to your husband. Lie! Lie! Lie! There is no truth to this. I know because I have experienced this and am still experiencing this as I am going through this breaking process which, sad to say, is not happening overnight.
Even throughout my years of rebelliousness, stubbornness, and pride, I still kept praying the prayer I used to pray daily before I got married, “Lord, make me to be exactly what You want me to be. Lord, break me, make me, and mold me into what you want me to be.” Well, God took that prayer seriously and once you accept Him He is going to begin the breaking process. It’s up to us how long that breaking process will take. For me, sad to say, it has taken 30 years and the breaking is not complete. In what way is God breaking me down right now? Well, our children have grown up; the three oldest have gone through and are still going through college and have gotten their degrees, and some are working on their second, third, and fourth degrees, and are launching their careers and moving out. God used that to slap me into reality and truly intensify the breaking process. My husband told me before our first child was born and repeatedly while the children were young that my job was to love our children and make positive memories with them and that if I did that I would have a wonderful relationship with them in time to come as adults. Well, I disobeyed God and my husband who did not let up on his duties. And he has a wonderful relationship with our children, even the girls, and I don’t. However, God led me to finally break the day before Father’s Day and while I was helping my husband get dressed to preach, I asked my husband if I could apologize to the entire family. That’s the first time I ever did that on my own. He has always told me throughout the years that I need to get my heart right with God, him, and my children, otherwise I will never have the joy and peace of the Lord in my life. However, I kept on lying and denying that I was the problem.
Here is what I said to my husband and children on Saturday afternoon, June 17, 2017, the day before Father’s Day. My husband told the entire family that this was the best Father’s Day gift I have ever given to him:
“Daddy, children, I apologize for not being the wife, mother, and example of a Christian woman that I should have been down through the years. I have shown nothing but disobedience, rebelliousness and stubbornness and a bad attitude and spirit towards God and my husband in front of you. My disobedience and rebelliousness has caused much unnecessary unrest and upheaval in the family. Things could have gone much better if I had obeyed God’s word from the beginning like my husband told me. Please accept my apology and I am asking you to forgive me.”
The diminishing of peace and joy in my life down through the years I brought on myself. Not having a proper relationship with God, my husband, and my children, I brought on myself—all because I chose the disobedient route. My number one desire is to live a life of peace—peace with God, peace with my husband, and peace with my children. I have learned the hard way that peace will not come as long as I am living in disobedience, rebelliousness, stubbornness, and pride.
I will end this on two notes: (1) Happy Father’s Day to my husband: you have been a great husband and father. (2) Happy children’s day to my children: You all have been great children. I have no complaints whatsoever against my husband, and of course, children, you have never been at fault. My bad behavior is all on me and I’m sorry I put you through this. May God bless your lives and I love you.